Every time I think about teaching my eyes water up and my face turns pale. I get this tight feeling in the pit of my stomach and my throat swells as all the moisture disappears from it. I feel this exact way as I write these words.
This used to be an almost daily feeling while I was teaching. Now, I only have these emotions when I reflect on my short teaching career.
I get asked a lot “So, why did you quit teaching?” There is no short answer for this question. I have tried many responses including:
- Well that’s a long conversation!
- I guess it just wasn’t for me.
- I just needed a change for a little while, maybe I’ll be back at it.
- I left for a better opportunity.
- I’m a better and happier person now that I’m not teaching.
I always feel empty and self-conscious after having this conversation. I feel like the person on the other end of the conversation does not understand and I have not communicated enough with them. I don’t want to ramble on and on about the events that lead me to quit, but I have a desire to show them my justification.
Since changing careers I struggle with a feeling of emptiness. I feel fragile. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happier and better for it, but I always struggle with change of any kind.
Before now, I thought I had superpowers! I know it sounds crazy….. but I wanted it all! I wanted to have a killer career as a teacher. I wanted to be an amazing wife and homemaker. I wanted to volunteer for everything at my church and community. I wanted to be the best friend who is always there for everyone. I wanted to be fit, fashionable and have the best hair. I wanted to one day be the perfect Mother with a clean house.
If you have ever watched Parks and Rec, I relate most with Leslie Knope. Actually, I am Leslie Knope!
I truly thought I could have it all. I read articles and news stories about Women putting their career on the sideline, so they could be a better mother to their children. I knew that a lot of women did this, but I always thought I could have the best of both worlds.
Recently, I read a blog post on girldefined.com. It opened my eyes to my own ignorance about what I wanted vs. God’s design for my life as a women. I’m not a Mom yet, but with this change of careers, I know that I will be a better mom and wife.
Eye Opening Blog Post – http://www.girldefined.com/future-wife-mom-24hrs
My husband is so wise! After this eye-opening experience I shared it with him. He told me that he has been waiting for me to figure this out for a while. He brought up Leslie Knope and said, remember at the end of the season when Leslie had to choose between staying in Pawnee with her husband and twins or going to Washington for her career. She threw her hands up in the air and said “I can have it all!” Then the next season you see her stressed out and whenever you see her kids they are wild and crazy and her house is a mess. He told me that Leslie did not choose both, she choose her career.
Ok….. all that to say that I still don’t have it figured out, but God is working on me and everyday is a step in the right direction. I am still a Leslie Knope at heart, but I’m figuring out how to channel that energy in the right direction.
I plan on reading the book, Girl Defined, when it is released. You can only pre-order it now.