An Open Letter to Christian Girls,
This letter is intended for young Christian girls getting ready to enter into the big world. Maybe you have just finished high school and you are getting ready to go to college or start your first job. I went thru public school, two secular universities, had 5 different part times jobs and two full time ‘big girl’ jobs. I feel like I have a grasp on what it is like to be a young Christian girl living and working in a sinful world.
I pray this letter will be an encouragement to you and I hope that you can take one piece of truth from my experience and apply it to your future. This letter covers time, purity, boys and friendships. 4 big topics that could to be a struggle in the next few years.
There is no need for you to learn from your own mistakes if you can learn from the mistakes and advice from others. These next few years are critical years in your lives. The decisions you make now, shape the kind of person you will become. Remember to draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you.
It is not always easy working and going to school. When I was a teenager and surrounded by my youth department, most of my time was spent at the church in some form of ministry or Christian fellowship. When I graduated and got my first two jobs suddenly all of these new decisions hit me. I made it a commitment to not work on Sundays or Wednesday evenings or take classes that interfered with my commitments to church. Although tempting at times, I knew that if I gave in once then nothing would stop me from forming a habit. I asked God to guide me and give me wisdom in making these decisions. Of course He kept His promise.
James 1:5-6 “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.”
I knew the statistics of teenagers who actually stayed in church after graduation was very low. I was determined to fight the statistics and be faithful to God. I never worked a Wednesday or Sunday and I never took a college class or study group on Wednesdays or Sundays. I encourage you to also take this challenge and make your church attendance a commitment. Ask God for guidance and wisdom in this area and he will provide.
The world will assume some things of you. They will assume that because you have a boyfriend that you live with and sleep with your boyfriend. Their remarks, jokes and stories will not always be relatable because of the perversion. I found myself in many situation where a question was asked of me by a coworker or classmate that had some of these assumptions. Regrettably, many times I just changed the topic and ignored their remarks or gave a vague nod and answer. I look back at many missed opportunities to share my faith and convictions. I believe that God was opening the door and I missed an opportunity. In some twisted way the world has made it almost a shame to be a virgin. When once virginity was held up as a pride it is now looked down by many as a silly thing to keep.
Paul and I started dating when I was 17. We dated for almost 7 years before we married in 2013. After a few months of dating we had a conversation that I believe saved our relationship, purity and reputation. We decided right then and there that we were not going to give-in to temptation and pressure, and that no matter what we would save ourselves for marriage. The decision was an easy one to make because we knew it would please God but it was not an easy decision to follow. I’m not going to lie to you and say that we were never tempted. We loved each other, were attracted to each other. We set up rules and boundaries for ourselves. We tried to not be alone at our houses and would often go for walks in the park or trips to Target if no one was home. We had other conversations every few years. We would ask each other “If I tried to convince you to have sex with me would you?” They answer was always “No.” Our commitment to stay pure was not just to each other, it was also to God. I did not depend on Paul to keep our relationship pure I depended on God to help me. If I just depended on my boyfriend and he just depended on me then in times of weakness we would fail, but God has no weakness!
It may seem like a silly things to the world to keep our purity for 7 years even though we ended up married. I can say without shame that we both stood up on our wedding day pure and it was well worth it. It was worth seeing an answered prayer and a promise kept to God.
There is this teaching/philosophy that if you really want to have sex with your boyfriend and you just can’t wait then it is better to just get married young. I hope you can see past this false view. We are human. We have lustful desires. You may have 10 boyfriends throughout your young adulthood and you may have the desire to have intimate relationships with all of them. Does that mean that all of them would make a good husband…No! Ask God to help you through your temptations
James 1:12-16 “Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”
Most guys are not gentlemen. Even some of your church peers, you will find out, are not always nice Christian boys.
Let me share a story: Girl talks to guy. Guy talks to girl. Guy and girls exchange texts and FB messages. Most of the messages are fun and silly. Girl is not really interested in guy but enjoys good conversations, attention and friendship. Guy crosses line. Guy says things thru texts and messages that makes girl uncomfortable. Girl ignores these messages and just hopes that he stops. Guy does not stop. Guy says things like “Why don’t you like me anymore? Why don’t we talk? Do you think you’re too good for me?” Girl starts to feel bad and gives in. Girl never tells guy that he makes her uncomfortable. Guy never stops. Girl never replies to the inappropriate things but she also never tells him to stop or tells any ones else. Girl just hopes he will stop. Guy does not stop.
This story is true and it happens all the time. The guy in the story is a loser and the same “Hey girl, I had a dream about you last night.” text was sent to 10 other girls that same morning. He is just fishing for your attention and trying to find your weakness. Please don’t fall for this. When this happens please tell him to stop and if he does not stop, talk to your parents about blocking the number. Ignoring and hoping- will not stop the harassment. If you can’t talk to your parents talk to someone, talk to your youth leaders, talk to me. I have seen too many girls fall into this cycle and go down the wrong road.
A gentleman is not just a guy who texts you nice complements. A gentlemen is one that goes out of his way to be in the same ministry as you, serves the Lord with you and prays with you. A gentleman gives you his attention after God has received his. A gentleman knows when to stop and does not make you feel uncomfortable. Find a gentleman.
Not all of those around you will make the right decisions. When your peers start to make bad decision you have a few choices.
- You can ignore them and distance yourself from them and allow them to fall into divers temptations. I have done this and this takes away an opportunity for you to be a good influence on them. They still need your friendship and if you are going to help, you need a relationship. They still need to know where you stand but they also need to know that you care.
- You can follow, hang out with them and risk the chance of yourself falling into temptations. I urge you to not do this. You may think that you are strong enough to stand up for what you believe in, but the risk is too great. The friends around you really have a huge influence in choices you make.
- You can pray for them. Pray that God give you the opportunity to be a good influence on them.
When my brother started making bad decision I was really bitter toward him. I was bitter that he was hurting my parents and taking advantage of everyone around him. I also started to get bitter toward my parents for always taking him back and helping him. I saw how much he displeased God and my parents and I could not figure out why my parents still loved him. Then one day I saw it. I saw how my brother was no different than how God saw me. I often times fail and displease God and no matter what, God still takes me back every time and loves and cares for me. My parents were just showing God’s love and grace to my brother. They are keeping their relationship alive so that they can be a good influence on him and his family. They are keeping their relationship together so that they can show God’s great love and power.